Friday, January 17, 2014

A Freak Meeting

Well this hiatus has been crazy as shit.  There is a lot to tell so let's get started with this story.  We(Trish, War, and myself) were driving down the road in the RV to kill the Unnamed Child at Trish's house and the blue-lantern-wannabe was standing in the middle of the road.  Aren't you a blue-lantern-wannabe?  Ah-ah-ah-uh Shut up!  Mow the asshole down!!!!!!!  Woah, woah we don't need to do that.  Unless he is trying to kill us.  Then why is he standing in the middle of the road while we are driving towards him.  Because he's suicidal now floor it!  Yeah not big on assisted suicide, so I'm braking.

"Who are you know going to help commit suicide?" asked War.

"Oh I don't know maybe that blue-lantern-wannabe out the window."

"What's Saintwalker doing out there?" asked Trish.

"Ugh, I don't know but I'll probably end up shooting him for pissing me off.  By existing."

"I'll help you with that," War said grabbing his sword.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Well we are Proxy hunters and he is a proxy, so I feel like it isn't really out of our job description," I told her.

"Trish, I've worked with these people before and it is necessary."


The moment I got out of the RV I pointed my guns with pointy knives at the proxy.  Gun knives they're like gunblades but smaller.

"There's no need for that," Saintwalker said.

"There is a need because you're standing in front of me and your mere existence pisses me off.  Even more than the stupid deer pisses me off."

"Noted," said Wannabe

"So what do you want Saintwalker, or were you really hoping that Virgil would run your ass over?  If that's what you want I can still have him do that for you."

"Eh, I'm kind of outside and I don't really trust a guy that preaches about Slendy's kindness to just stand there while I go back to the driver's seat."

"I'll make sure he doesn't move," War said with a grin that told me how eager he was to help me run the proxy over.

"Didn't you get your ass kicked several times by high level proxies?"  I said giving my best "really" face.

"I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Well if it wasn't for people interrupting you, you would be dead by your own hands because of your own emoness."

"I'm with Runner on this one, he wouldn't kill himself he wants someone to kill him for him. He's a death seeker."

"You need a hobby besides analyzing me."

"I already have a hobby, play video games for a living."

"You don't do it for a living," said Trish walking out of the RV.

"Well I'm alive and playing video games so... living."

"Yet you would play a friendly game of Smash Bros or Mario Kart with me," added Wannabe.

"Because I hate you."

"So like what are you here for?" asked Trish who probably knew how off topic we would get.  Yeah.

"I came to propose an alliance between us," said the Wannabe shocking everyone.

"Why would someone who is a chosen by your so called 'god' and granted special powers from your master, not sure if you have any as I haven't even seen you use teleportation or anything, want our help?"

"Because the Unnamed Child is expecting an assault and has gather nameless to try and stop up."

"Well I'm strictly a proxy hunter so not seeing the incentive here," I told him.

"So you'd rather fight us then take on the Child."

"Come on man I'm not stupid I'll let you fight her first and then when see is crying in the corner licking her wound then I'll finish her off."

"Except it's either you come with us or we will fight you now."

"Ugh, fine I'll come with you geez."

"Really?" questioned Trish.

"Well if he tries anything I'll stab him in the back, decapitate him, smash his no longer connected head in, burn his body, bury them at a cross road, mix in some garlic, and maybe I'll add some iron.  I might use a bible for good measure, and to be clear the Christian bible not your stupid Slendy bible.  Christian yes, Slendy no-no.  Also I burned the copy you left with me after your last visit."

"So welcoming," said Wannabe in a way I'm sure was not at all sarcastic, "especially after that gift I gave you for Christmas."

"Trish, I think we should go with them," said War, "if they do want to take down the Unnamed Child then we shouldn't be fighting each other.  That said if you do ANYTHING to harm us I'll make sure we do worse than what Virgil suggest."

"It's all true," insisted Wannabe, "the Unnamed Child and God aren't exactly friends right now and we're going to remind her who the True God is."

"New party member has been added," I said with the one voice in my head.

Wannabe snapped his fingers and a ninja proxy squad of six delusional people gathered around him, "Actually this isn't a party it's a raid."  Damnit that's a good line.  Why didn't we think of that?  You were more concerned with coming up with ideas on how to kill him if he betrayed us?  Oh yeah right.  Then our raid group marched on towards the Spoiled Brat's lair.


  1. It would be somewhat foolish to deny help from any source, when going up against a fear.

    Also, a proxy hunter? You don't hunt people.

    1. Because I don't need to. The assholes just show up around me. And then I kill them. So Proxy Hunter is still my self proclaimed title.

    2. Not what I meant. You hunt animals, not people. Saying you hunt proxies is just treating them as subhuman.

    3. Calling them more than human would imply I have respect for people that kill and hunt other humans as if they are lesser than them. And the Golden Rule states treat others how you want to be treated. So given that they want to be treated like animals. At least most of them. Not saying they are chose to be animals that kill people in violent ways.

    4. Remind me again about how you used to scatter bear traps around when you camped to take out any proxies that passed by?

    5. Bear traps can trap anything not just bears. It's made to break ankles. And they were rookies no CRAZY ASS powers.

    6. Oh, that's good. You were out to break the ankles of people with no clue what they're doing. Good for you.

    7. Yup I'm a sadistic asshole who likes to inflict pain on those that try to hurt humans for sport. Think of me as an Anti Hero.

    8. Nah, you're a sadistic asshole who likes to inflict pain on people you think you can justify inflicting pain on. So, a runner.

  2. Sorry 'bout all that. I can be a self-righteous prick when I'm drunk.

    1. It's all good. I'm not the kind of person to hold a grudge on people.