Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Beginning of the Battle for the Doll Maze

When we entered the house it was different, twisted, wrong.  And it was bigger on the inside like a Tardis.  I want a Tardis.  YeahThe house became a labyrinth and had a new feel, an expecting-parents-overdecorating-the-baby-room-for-their-new-daughter kind of feeling, as War put it. The room was pink, had fluffy(creepy) stuffed animals lining the hallway, and the furniture had a toyish feel to it.

"It's like a dollhouse I used to have when I was a little girl," Trish said.

"You had a dollhouse house made by Tim Burton?" I asked Trish.

But that's not where this what-the-fuckery stopped.  There was also playground equipment within Trish's house, but like the house it was, twisted, wrong.  There were monkey bars that stuck out of walls or float in mid air and spun around like a roller coaster track but you couldn't climb it, which kinda ruined the point.

"Be careful, the Unnamed Child has guards everywhere and they are watching us, so be on your guard," Santa Wakka said.

"Thank you, Admiral Obvious, I would never guessed that a Fear has people guarding it," I said sarcastically.

"To be far you don't give the most sane impression for people," Trish said

"What does sanity have to do with dealing with Fears?" I asked her.

"Uh nothing...but it does have to do with surviving and planning," Trish said.

I busted out laughing, "If I was sane I wouldn't have survived this long, so your points are overwritten."

"You are trying to hard to be Deadpool," War said

"Who says I'm trying? This is just how I am," I replied.

"You have a weird way of coping," Saint Wannabe said.

"Coming for the guy that thinks a faceless wonder is THE ALMIGHTY GOD," I replied.

"It's not my fault you are too ignorant to see the truth, but we are not here for that, we are here for a spoiled brat that thinks she is mightier than the true god."

We then wonder around the labyrinth for what seemed like hours, maybe days. Time's weird in there! Well it was another dimension so time would in theory flow at a different pace than we are used to. Shut up. Why do you have to be so boring? If I'm boring than so are you two, because WE ARE ALL THE SAME PERSON! Touche. Then people came out of the walls and stuff animals that lined the........dimension? How do you line a dimension? Don't ask questions it just makes things more confusing to me. Yeah it's just gonna confuse everyone.

"You shall not hurt the young mistress!" a, I think they are called Nameless, said before the person attacked me. I shot his brains out! You are way too happy about that. Plus it was for self-defense not enjoyment. Thanks to the help from the Proxy army and War I barely got any action. Not really a downside. Awww! But I wanted to kick more ass.

We continued through this hell hole with people popping out of very strange places. Read into that if you must. Killing them as they appeared until we reached the door to the what was basically the center of the labyrinth. I reached for the door before a voice said "Don't even think about it unless you want the girl dead." I turned around to see a woman holding a knife to Trish's throat.

"Mom?" Trish said to the woman.

"So this is Mommy Dearest I presume?" I asked Trish

"Not the best time," Santa Pacer said.

"Sorry can't help myself when I am trying to lighten the mood," I said.

"Mom why are you doing this?" Trish said confused while also scared her mother might kill her.

"Shut up you bitch I am trying to protect my daughter," her mother said.

"First off lady that language is not need, Second that is your daughter," I told her.

"Mom please--" Trish said interrupted.

"I said shut up," to Trish cutting her off "She hasn't been my daughter since she ran away," she told me, "my real daughter would never done that to me."

"Look lady it's not like she had a choice," I told her, "This douche bag's master targeted her as a victim of his," I said pointing to Saint Man.

"Mom," said Trish through tears, "I was trying to save you.  They would  have killed you, hung your corpse on a tree, and emptied your body of organs.  Running away was for you!"

Her mom utterly ignored her, "This little whore ran away, I felt like I failed as a mother, I was suffering from depression, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, then the little girl came, and she showed me it was my daughter's fault and that I was a perfectly good mother."

"If you weren't Trish's mother I would have decapitated you before you even finished that statement," I told Trish's mother.

"Ms. <Trish's mother>, you mind's been corrupted by the Unnamed Child at time of extreme vulnerability, she preyed on you feelings of failure, and is turning you into a puppet...a plaything, but your real daughter is right in front of you and you have a dagger to her throat," War said.

"No she left, she hurt me," she said pushing the dagger closer to her throat enough to draw blood, "But my real daughter is through those door, and she would never abandon me, never hurt me, You will not--" she was interrupted as she ended up moving Trish to the side by War shooting her in the chest. I'm gonna say probably around the heart. As she fell to the ground she said "Please don't hurt my daughter," she asked us as she reached for the door before dying. Trish dropped to her knees crying over her mother's body.

"I'm sorry," War told her, "She was going to kill you."

Saint Pedestrian walked up to her and put his arm on her shoulder. Causing me to go after him, as a protective instinct. War stop me to show that he wasn't going to hurt her.

"I am sorry but she is in the garden now, free of the Unnamed Child, and is at peace," he told her.

I need to stop for today, sorry everyone. This event was rough on everybody. So I am saving the Battle of the Doll Maze's conclusion for tomorrow. Again I am sorry but you're gonna have to wait for the next post.

Friday, January 17, 2014

A Freak Meeting

Well this hiatus has been crazy as shit.  There is a lot to tell so let's get started with this story.  We(Trish, War, and myself) were driving down the road in the RV to kill the Unnamed Child at Trish's house and the blue-lantern-wannabe was standing in the middle of the road.  Aren't you a blue-lantern-wannabe?  Ah-ah-ah-uh Shut up!  Mow the asshole down!!!!!!!  Woah, woah we don't need to do that.  Unless he is trying to kill us.  Then why is he standing in the middle of the road while we are driving towards him.  Because he's suicidal now floor it!  Yeah not big on assisted suicide, so I'm braking.

"Who are you know going to help commit suicide?" asked War.

"Oh I don't know maybe that blue-lantern-wannabe out the window."

"What's Saintwalker doing out there?" asked Trish.

"Ugh, I don't know but I'll probably end up shooting him for pissing me off.  By existing."

"I'll help you with that," War said grabbing his sword.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Well we are Proxy hunters and he is a proxy, so I feel like it isn't really out of our job description," I told her.

"Trish, I've worked with these people before and it is necessary."


The moment I got out of the RV I pointed my guns with pointy knives at the proxy.  Gun knives they're like gunblades but smaller.

"There's no need for that," Saintwalker said.

"There is a need because you're standing in front of me and your mere existence pisses me off.  Even more than the stupid deer pisses me off."

"Noted," said Wannabe

"So what do you want Saintwalker, or were you really hoping that Virgil would run your ass over?  If that's what you want I can still have him do that for you."

"Eh, I'm kind of outside and I don't really trust a guy that preaches about Slendy's kindness to just stand there while I go back to the driver's seat."

"I'll make sure he doesn't move," War said with a grin that told me how eager he was to help me run the proxy over.

"Didn't you get your ass kicked several times by high level proxies?"  I said giving my best "really" face.

"I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Well if it wasn't for people interrupting you, you would be dead by your own hands because of your own emoness."

"I'm with Runner on this one, he wouldn't kill himself he wants someone to kill him for him. He's a death seeker."

"You need a hobby besides analyzing me."

"I already have a hobby, play video games for a living."

"You don't do it for a living," said Trish walking out of the RV.

"Well I'm alive and playing video games so... living."

"Yet you would play a friendly game of Smash Bros or Mario Kart with me," added Wannabe.

"Because I hate you."

"So like what are you here for?" asked Trish who probably knew how off topic we would get.  Yeah.

"I came to propose an alliance between us," said the Wannabe shocking everyone.

"Why would someone who is a chosen by your so called 'god' and granted special powers from your master, not sure if you have any as I haven't even seen you use teleportation or anything, want our help?"

"Because the Unnamed Child is expecting an assault and has gather nameless to try and stop up."

"Well I'm strictly a proxy hunter so not seeing the incentive here," I told him.

"So you'd rather fight us then take on the Child."

"Come on man I'm not stupid I'll let you fight her first and then when see is crying in the corner licking her wound then I'll finish her off."

"Except it's either you come with us or we will fight you now."

"Ugh, fine I'll come with you geez."

"Really?" questioned Trish.

"Well if he tries anything I'll stab him in the back, decapitate him, smash his no longer connected head in, burn his body, bury them at a cross road, mix in some garlic, and maybe I'll add some iron.  I might use a bible for good measure, and to be clear the Christian bible not your stupid Slendy bible.  Christian yes, Slendy no-no.  Also I burned the copy you left with me after your last visit."

"So welcoming," said Wannabe in a way I'm sure was not at all sarcastic, "especially after that gift I gave you for Christmas."

"Trish, I think we should go with them," said War, "if they do want to take down the Unnamed Child then we shouldn't be fighting each other.  That said if you do ANYTHING to harm us I'll make sure we do worse than what Virgil suggest."

"It's all true," insisted Wannabe, "the Unnamed Child and God aren't exactly friends right now and we're going to remind her who the True God is."

"New party member has been added," I said with the one voice in my head.

Wannabe snapped his fingers and a ninja proxy squad of six delusional people gathered around him, "Actually this isn't a party it's a raid."  Damnit that's a good line.  Why didn't we think of that?  You were more concerned with coming up with ideas on how to kill him if he betrayed us?  Oh yeah right.  Then our raid group marched on towards the Spoiled Brat's lair.