Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Saturday Part 2

As you know from the last post we went to a graveyard, all because genius here thought it would be a good idea. Hey don't ruin the story. Well I'm smarter than you. We the same person. I'm still smarter.

"Why are we randomly walking through this graveyard?" Trish asked in utter confusion.

"I...uh...ur...I've...I've got no idea," I told her.

"You are really strange you know that," she said.

"Yeah I know," I said before pausing randomly, "I wonder if the Easter Bunny and Master Chief are gonna have Thanksgiving together again."

She was made even more confused by that statement.

"You know since I really have no reason to be here," I said still wondering why I came into the graveyard, "We should probably go."

"Halt," a voice said to me from behind. I turned and saw a gold Patronus/Xerneus like deer. And it talked. 

I leaned over to Trish and whispered, "I'm not the only one that sees the ahead of schedule release of Pokemon X's shiny legendary that is talking to us am I?" Yay! Free game! To bad it's the Lost Silver edition. Wouldn't it be Lost Chromosome?

She just nodded quietly not sure if to be afraid or curious.

"Poor, sick child," said the almighty deer fairy, "Do not worry though for I shall fix you."  And then I collapsed.

11 comments:

  1. Wait, a magical deer in a graveyard offered to 'fix' you...? Can you show me on the doll where it touched you?

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    1. As someone who studied Hinduism in school, I am concerned that a replay of the Ramayana is gonna happen. Starring Source as Sita.

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    2. I did not get antler raped, nor any other kind. Wait Mind Fucked can technically count so that happened.

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    3. @Sanna: Not familiar with Hindu Myth so who are those beings you mentioned

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    4. Oh, right. Well, there's this King of Ayodhya, and he has two wives. The older wife has one son, Bharat. The younger wife has two - Rama and Lakshman. Rama has a wife called Sita.

      When the old King was dying, Bharat would have traditionally taken the throne as the eldest son. But Bharat wanted the throne to go to Rama because he was very popular. Everyone was cool with that except the older wife, who wanted her son to be king. So she reminded the old king of when, in his love for her, promised her two wishes. So she makes those wishes then and there.

      Wish #1: that Bharat be king.
      Wish #2: that Rama and Sita be banished from the kingdom for 14 years.

      So Rama and Sita have no choice but to leave. Just before he goes, Bharat takes Rama's sandals to put on the throne during his exile. The old king gives Rama a magical golden arrow. Lakshman decides to accompany Rama and Sita in their exile, presumably the oldest example of a third wheel.

      Rama, Sita and Lakshman go into the forest outside the kingdom and wander until they reach a nice empty cottage with what looks to be a light circular forcefield around it. They're like "Oh, this is convenient!" and so they go inside.

      Inside the cottage is a scroll. The scroll says something like "OK, so there's this demon hanging around called Ravana, master of disguise. He has a thing for kidnapping human women for his wives. Any woman who steps outside this circle is unsafe. No, we're not trying to press the sexist notion that women should stay in the kitchen; what the hell are you talking about?"

      Anyway, several years pass and Sita does not venture outside the circle. Rama and Lakshman do, however, in order to go hunting. One day they are out and they see a magnificent huge golden stag, which they pursue for hours. Eventually the deer vanishes, and they are lost. BTW, the deer was Ravana's uncle in disguise.

      Meanwhile Sita is at home in the kitchen, cleaning and singing, Then she sees a malnourished, dying old man outside in the circle. She immediately runs outside and tells the old man to stay where he is, while she runs back inside to get some bread and milk for him. When she comes back out, the old man has fallen outside the circle. The idea that Ravana is a 'master of disguise' had not occurred to her, so she steps outside the circle to help him.

      Sure as shit, it's Ravana, the ugly, lustful, slavering ten headed demon. He kidnaps Sita and takes his castle on the island of Lanka (now known as Sri Lanka, BTW)

      Now I am typing this on my phone so I am gonna get my laptop for the rest cause its kinda long. Cliffhanger, biatch.

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  2. Of course the Easter Bunny and Master Chief will be hanging out. They both got owned by historical badasses, after all.

    Sources:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgVwv0ZuPhM
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4tLCGcTG4

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    1. Even as a fan of Spartan-117 I have to agree that Leonidas kicked his ass in that rap battle

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  3. Why didn't you just use a pokeball?

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