Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Fuck to the Yeah to the !

Today was schway.  If you know what that means and where it's from you're awesome.  Okay, so today's story begins at a blessed place called Sweet Frogs.  If you have not been to a Sweet Frog's I'd highly recommend it.  I feel like they should be paying me for that comment.  Anyway, I was getting my yogurt, cookies n cream mixed with orange and a shitload of skittles and a few of those animal crackers with icing, when Virgil had a visitor.

"Virgil," said Cutie Mark before sitting down at our table.

"What's up with your hair?" asked Virgil referring to her burnt pink and white hair.

"Compliments of your friend, Kyle," she replied to me pouring the skittles on my yogurt, "Tell me, Virgil, are you seeking a date from me?"

"Well you see you are hot and all, even, with the short hair that's been burnt at the tips, BUT you tried to kill me a few times.  Now you see I can forgive that once or maybe even twice but three time and hurting my friend not so much."  Around this time I arrived at the table to table to see CM sitting there.

"What's she doing here?"

"Just asking me for a date, but I turned her down."


"Are you still trying make that popular."

"IT WILL BE DAMNIT!"  I turn to CM, "So what are you really here for?"

"I simply wish to have a conversation with the two of you." 

"Hey, Kyle, did you see my toppings?" ask Virg ignoring CM.

Looking, "Waffles really?  Oh and maple syrup.  Schway."

"It's so fucking delicious!  So Cutie Mark what is your favorite topping?"


"Called it!" I shouted.

"Wait. Wait. Wait. W...ait," said Virgil, "rainbow or chocolate?"

"Rainbow of course."

"Damn I thought you wouldn't be so obvious," said Virgil.

"So what are you here to talk to us about?"

"I just was curious as to why you tried to incinerate my alluring and luscious hair as well as myself."

"You did stab us on multiple occasions," I said.

"Plus you must admit that it was AWESOME!!!"  That got us a few stares XD.

"That too!"

 "But that was rather inconsiderate.  I never tried to kill you."

"Yet," Virgil added.

"True I would have tried to sooner or late, but not too soon as that would ruin the chase."

"Got to agree there, Kyle."

"Whatever.  You liked the idea of a fairy type."

"Not really I just don't hate it."


"Should call it the Fae type though, sounds better."

"Hey Cutie Mark," I turned to her, "I just wanted to say-" at this point I flipped over the table(shoulda seen Virg's face 0.0) knocking CM onto the ground in surprise.  I pulled out a gun and fired at her head until I ran out of bullets and you couldn't tell she had a face, "burn in Hell."  I dropped the gun and put my hands up in the air, "Someone call the police please."  Most people started screaming and running around(can't say I blame them really), but Virgil called for me.  Th people started cornering me, checking me for other weapons, and so on while waiting for the police to arrive.  The police arrived quickly and I was taken to the station(Virgil tells me that he was playing Borderlands 2.)  After I explained that Cutie Mark was a suspected serial killer that has been stalking(read: stabbing) me for some time now, had police from the other towns we visited verify my story, and showed them my permit to carry concealed weapons they let me off the hook.  They did suggest I don't empty out my gun on one person next time because it's extreme and suspicious, but I told them it was just a combination of paranoia and nervousness.  Yay for understanding police!

So yeah no more(I hope) Cutie Mark =D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh and I got my signed copy of The Ocean at the End of the Lane.  FUCK YEAH!!!!


  1. Dang it man! Everytime I start to like her again, someone has to cock-block me.

    1. So you are the cock-block magnet. XD worst luck ever.

    2. I mean she was really cute with short hair and she wasn't trying to kill me. I hate you so much right now. We could have had a Batman and Catwoman relationship maybe.

    3. Catwoman doesn't plan on killing Batman. CM does plan on killing you -_-. Move on you'll find some other insane person to love, just one that well help you kill proxies not a proxy that tries to kill you.

    4. Yeah you're right. Who know maybe it'll a chick I save from Slendy or something. Cutie Mark is just so cute, damn it.

    5. There is that Mary Sue Complexed Virgil we all know and love. I'm sure you'll find some one.

      Sorry to disappoint those that enjoy Virg and I's chats but I'm tired, you know killing someone, so I'm off to bed. Virg I hereby charge you with responding to comments while I sleep. =P

  2. You killed her and you just skipped? Even in self defense, that should have caused a bit more legal than it did. Makes me wonder if someone intervened.

    1. TBH it wouldn't surprise me. Though killing a serial killer with tons of witnesses you know witnessing her brutalizing me... naw you're probably right.

  3. I was complimented. :#) Well, rest in peace, cool hair lady.

    Can't blame a guy for playing Borderlands 2. I freaking loved that series. I was always Mordercai in the first one and Zer0 in the second, sometimes Maya. And I always really wanted to shoot Claptrap.

    And damn I'm jealous of your yoghurts. :(

  4. ...dafuq? That was kind of uncalled for. She was coming for a talk, without intent to do any damage, and you straight up killed her? congratulations.

    1. It was rude that's for damn sure. That said it was also the smart thing to do. Yesterday she might have only come to talk but today she could be inserting sharp pointy objects into my body. I figured she would do it sooner or later and I had the chance to stop her from even trying. *Shrug* Either way I prolonged my life a little longer so I'm happy.