Thursday, May 15, 2014

Postie Post McPostenberger

Trish here again, and again Virgil picked the title as always.  Something happened last week and I've been trying to get Virgil to type up what happened, but he just won't do it.  I'm not sure why but he had an incredibly serious look whenever I brought it up.  Though he did say I could post something about it if I wanted to.

Anyway this started out about how you'd think a typical blog post would start out.  With Virgil yelling about his Captain Crunch.  I walked out of the RV's bathroom to see Spectator sitting at the table eating more of Virgil's favorite cereal.

"Relax buddy," Spectator told Virgil while taking another handful of cereal.  "I'm here to make a proposition with you."

"Get out,"  Virgil said pulling out a gun and pointing it at Spectator.

"I haven't even told you what the deal is at least hear me out.  Also a gun?  That's cute that you think your little human toy will work on me.  Going to hit me with one of those rubber baby hammers next?"

"Of course I don't but it would make me feel better if I did shoot you.  And no deal whatever it is.  Kyle made a deal with Door and look how that worked for him."

"Fair point.  Here is my counterpoint Sourcey," and he handed over some newspapers to Virgil.  "Hey there Trish.  How's life with this crazy Source of entertainment?  Seen a lot of deers recently?"

"No, we've been lucky with Stag."

"Good, good to hear."

"So?" asked Virgil, "You used a website to make a newspaper.  I can do that too." 

"What?  This is as legit as it gets."

"Sure it is," Virgil said, "that's why this paper has a witness reporting about, 'a masked boy that was shooting flames from his hands.'  Please isn't that a little to obvious, Mr. super-special-awesome-eldritch-abomination.  Even worse," Virgil started than pointed at something on the paper to finish.

Spectator shrugged, "Are you really doubting that a being such as me could do something as small as that.  You really are crazy, Sourcey."

"Uh, what's this about?  Virgil what do the newspapers say?" I asked because I has no idea what was going on between the two.

"He's trying to sell me some bullshit about Door and I'm not buying," Virgil explained.  Didn't really help me.

"But Source here really should because I'm just trying to prepare him for when Door shows up."

"Wait, so like Kyle is out again?" I asked.

"No," Virgil adamently said.

 "But he will and soon."

"Will you please just get out and leave my damn cereal."

"Nope, because I want to teach you a way to defend yourself against all the crazy of the universe.  Yourself included.  Sort of, kind of, maybe not."

"What?"  This one was from the two of us.  Spectator leaned in closer to Virgil and whispered something to him.  His mood completely shifted when he heard whatever it was that Spectator told him made him much more serious.  Up until this point Virgil was annoyed by Spectator but this was different.

He turned to me, "Trish, would you mind leaving me alone to talk to Uatu the Asshole?"

"But-" I started.

"Trish, I gave you the space you needed after the what happened in January, so please do the same for me now."

"Uh, sure if you want.  I guess it's fine and all."

"Be seeing you Trish," Spectator said with a creepy little wave to me.

"Thank you."  I went outside the RV to give Virgil the time he wanted and to get some fresh air.  Not much to write about after that because when I went back in Virgil was by himself and refused to talk about it.

You know I want to be of more help.  Virgil was nice enough to take me in after he and Kyle helped me in a moment of desperate need, and I've done nothing to help him.  Fuck I got him in much more trouble actually.  He tries so hard to protect me by keeping me out of things like with his conversation with Spectator, and I'm happy he cares enough to try and protect me you know, but I want to help.  Now I'm living off him and not doing anything to help no matter how much I might want to, but he won't let me.  You know?

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I Hate April Fools Day

But on the plus side;
1.) video one
2.) video two
3.) video three

But on the down side again;
1.) Video Four?  This one was mean you dicks!

As for why we are pissed, Spectator pulled a prank on us. WHY DO THAT WITH THAT TO US WITH CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH! You this is why Kyle thought up the idea of Virgil Muffs.

I woke up today, after taking a nap from driving for two day straight. It wasn't a nap you were out cold for the entire day. Yay! You only drove one day straight. Shut up both of you! Anyway I get up and there is a cereal box on the table with a note.

"Here's a box of cereal as payment for all of the bowls I've taken," it said with an S at the bottom. I then opened the box and saw it was full literal cinnamon toast. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?! Then Spectator appeared eating a bowl over filled with Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

"April Fools!" he said with a mouth full of the cereal before swallowing the cereal, "It is April Fool's right?"

"Yes," I said gritting my teeth.

"Oh good I got it right this time," Spectator said.

"Will you get out of my house?!" I yelled at him.

"Well this isn't a house, it's an RV, get your eyes checked, and it isn't yours its Kyle's.  So, yes but only because I was never in it to begin with," he said going back to eating as he sat there.

"Then get out of Kyle's RV!" I yelled more pissed, "It's early for this shit!"

"Why would I leave when you're clearly lost without me?" he asked.

I sighed, "If I need someone sane to direct me, that doesn't qualify you since your even more insane that I am."

"I never said I was sane," he told me, "I just said I have facts straight, you need your ears checked too."

"You know I'm really starting to hate you," I told him.

"Get in line," Spectator said, "Last time I checked the line ends at Door, course the feeling is mutual with him. Okay maybe also Stag, but I like fucking with him, he's just so slow, mentally too."

"Why must you always steal my cereal?" I asked him

He ignored me, "Slendy and I are buddy," he told me before a sudden migraine hit causing me too see flashes of that events in Trish's home town on the solstice when he put his arm around Slendy before it ejected it's tentacles out of it's back, "Buddies," he said following that.

"Ahh! What the hell was that?" I said holding my head.

"Oh you saw that too," Spectator said

"You made me see it," I yelled at him.

"Ehh! Doesn't seem like me," he said.

"Oh my god just leave me alone for like three days," I told him annoyed

"You know me and time," he said, "Father Time hates me."

"Are you being serious?" I asked him annoyed

"Could be," he said, "FT's a dick to me."

"No idea why that would happen," I said sarcastically.

"Neither do I," he said still sitting at the damn table.

"Please! Just go away for some period of time," I said begging him

"Okay fine," he said disappearing.

I sighed in relief sitting down at the table. He then appeared back where he was sitting.

"Goddammit!" I yelled, "What now?!"

"I didn't say good morning to Trish," Spectator said.

"I'll deliver the message," I said wanting him to leave.

"Will you? Will you really?" he asked me.

"If I have to I'll sell my soul to make sure your message is delivered to her," I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I'm not big into the soul trade," he said, "Course do know a few people interested in souls, Archangel, sometimes Slendy *whispers* although it's more of a hobby with him, Psudo also does. You should already know that. I mean Kyle did basically sell his soul to him."

"Yeah I know that's how the idiot got killed a second time," I said annoyed so much I was started to drown Spectator out.

"Well it's been fun but I have business," he said standing up, "Remember I'm depending on you. It's live and death. You need to deliver this message to Trish. Good. Wait for it. Morning."

"Yes I already know," I said really annoyed wanting him to leave badly.

He then disappeared and I sat down starting to eat the toast he left in the box. To be fair it was actually quite good. But he stole all of our cereal. Trish got up later and I handed her a plate of Cinnamon Toast.

"Spectator says good morning," I said groaning in annoyance. He then reappeared.

"Good job you just save lives," he told me, "Okay not really. Like thirty runners just died right now. Not really cause of you," he said, "Or was it?" he asked under his breath before finally going away for good.

Trish looks at me, "What just happened?"

"I'm not even giving him a reason to comeback," I said, "No, if you really wanna know read the blog later."

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Update

Trish is doing better but she isn't perfect. Unfortunately I don't think she is ever going back to the way she was before. She has come out of the back room some and acted like she was fine and puts on a smile, but I can tell she still effected by all the craziness that...I admit that I've dragged her into. I've noticed different mannerisms to her actions. A emptier look in her eyes, the way she doesn't put much energy into things, and she eats cereal sadly. How do you eat cereal sadly? You eat it slow without enjoying it. How you not enjoy Cinnamon Toast Crunch?! I don't think this is the best time to be interrupting the explanation. I can't get over what Runner said in the comments. I mean was Saint Walker truly genuine about his intentions towards me and Trish? Common he was proxy, and having one of them around is just going to be trouble for everyone. Well I guess but I mean are their more like Saint Walker that don't want to kill people? But killing psychotic killer is fun! So were next on the list then. But we're the good guys! Can you really look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say that without any doubt about being good or bad? Of coarse I can't do that. Your the one in control. Wait did you just count yourself as separate from me? Well we are part of you but we don't control you. Yeah we're like your conscience! We're gonna Jiminy Cricket up this bitch! You're like fragment of the old original Source then. Pretty much. I would consider us more parts of your psyche. So what? You're logic, he's entertainment, what does that make me? Well I would say I am the Super Ego, and the other more primal you is the Id, leaving you to be the Ego. It's easier just to say Logic, Entertainment, and Morals. Aww! But we don't sound all sciencey.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

The Conclusion of the Battle of the Doll Maze

We walked into the Brat's lair which looked like a really fancy, rich person dining room.  It even had one of those long tables so you could have those awkward conversions where family members sat on opposite ends and had to yell at each other.

"I hate rich people," I said.

"Kyle's rich," War said.

"Yeah but he wasn't one of those people that showed off his money just cause he had money," I responded.

"He would have been if his parents gave him more," War retorted.

"Eh, I don't think he would," I said.

"Greetings! The young mistress wishes to extend her greetings," Said on of two Nameless acting as maids standing at the sides of the Unnamed Child, "Please take a seat."

"Yeah I'ma gonna stand," I said, "I'd rather not do what a eldrich abomination says in the middle of it's personal dimension when anything and everything around could be a trap."

"She merely wants you to be comfortable while she discusses what you owe her," the Nameless maids said.

"What do we owe that bitch?" War said.

"Dude, I get you don't like Fears and their lackeys, I mean neither do I, but calling one a bitch to it's face when we have no fucking idea how to kill it, it is a dumb idea to piss it off," I scolded War.

While Saint sits he responds, "Not as dumb as saying you don't have a plan in front of said abominations face." He then motioned to tell his Proxy underlings not to sit.

"Hey I never said I didn't have a plan, I was just scolding War for being the dumbass that mouth off to something that is going to easily kick his ass, I mean look at all of the attempt he made to kill a Proxy Lieutenant," I replied.

"It was still stupid to let her know you didn't have a plan at all," He retorted.

"I killed all of them without trouble, except for a few," War said before I had time to respond, "Unlike you who has only killed a few mooks."

"Granted I haven't been living up to my title, but at least I'm playing it smart, instead of going out hoping someone will kill me just to get redemption for torturing a good friend of yours for months," I retorted.

War doesn't respond and looks at the ground.

"Can you two save the drama for later and just sit down?" Saint said.

"Yeah you're the one with plan and I'd stand in case that plan includes fucking us," I told Saint.

Trish breaks out of her silence, "Just do it," sitting down.

War then forces me to sit down, "You're the one that didn't want to piss off the eldritch abomination."

"Fine," I said pissed still not trusting Saint or the Unnamed Child.

"The mistress is crossed that you broke her toys," One Nameless maid said.

"She demands you replace them," the other said.

"Saint Wannabe since your men killed the greatest number of her 'toys', I think you should replace them," I told Saint.

"All of you must replace them," the maids said in unison.

"Well I don't  think you take money so, and I'd rather keep random innocents out of this, so I can't really pay you back," I told the child.

"You misunderstand, you must replace them," the maids told us.

"Sorry but I don't like being a bitch's bitch," I said.

"You just told me not to say that, fucking hypocrite," War said.

"Yeah but calling her a bitch, isn't you," I told him.

"Have you read my blog," War replied.

"Yeah but your just being dumb in that, I on the other hand am just fucking insane," I replied.

"No arguements there," Saint, Trish, and War said in unison.

 "You don't have a choice, either serve the mistress or die," the maids said.

"Saint can we initiate the plan or are we going to sit here all day?" I said.

"So what is your plan?" he said with a smirk.

"My plan is the same as the Doctors most of the time, run," I told him.

"So let me get this straight, your plan was to come here, hope you find me along the way, come along into the house with me, find out my plan, and run?"

"Yeah I wasn't planning on meeting you," I said, "So whatever I had planned was fucked when you showed up."

"So will you join the mistress?" the maids asked.

Saint ignores them, "So then what was your plan before I showed up, because I am really interested to know."

I take the backpack I had off and put it on the table, "What do thinks in this back?" I asked Saint Wannabe.

Stares waiting for an answer, "Well since your not much for guessing, it's homemade explosives," I told them, "War and I have been working on a fireworks display for the little brat over there."

"The mistress does like explosives," a maid said.

"Thought she would," I said.

"Good because we had something...similar in mind," Saint said.

I looked towards the mooks that Saint brought with him and the were all holding hands in a circle.  It would have been touching if there heads hadn't exploded a moment right after.  Actually strike that it was MUCH more touching.

"Usually I support spontaneous explosions of any kind, but how does this help?" I asked Saint.

"We're bringing the master here to teach her a lesson personally," Saint said.

"Damn it I knew you were trying to kill us along with her!" I said pissed off getting out of my seat.

"No I told you that isn't my intention," Saint told us.

"How the fuck is this not going to kill us?" War asked Saint pissed as well.

"God will be busy, and won't have anytime to deal with any of you," Saint said

"What do blood explosions have to do with your so-called god?" I asked.

"Unfortunately the Unnamed Child put up barriers to block out the master and other minor deities," Saint said, "The master can track any of his servants, and these proxies volunteered to be his gateway to bypass the barrier."

"Wait blood everywhere, plus the gateway thing, and the fact they all died...Blood Magic is real?" I said confused.

"What? No, no! Of course not! The body could not take the strain of the masters gateway," he told us.

"Then it looks like we should leave now!" I said

As I grabbed Trish I turned to see War on the ground grabbing his head in pain screaming.

I looked at Saint Wannabe, "What did you do?!" I asked him pissed off.

"N-nothing...I had nothing to do with this. I have no idea what's going on," he told me.

I then picked War up and put his arm around my shoulder starting to drag him out of the room with Trish following. War was mumbling something about memories and voices. As I left I activated the timer in the pack with the explosives just as Slendy started to appear. Saint grabs the War's other arm and starts helping drag him out.

"You know you didn't need to set that," Saint said

"Let's just say it's payback for what those two did you my friends," I told Saint.

"How cute you think you can hurt a god," he replied

"Let's just say I'm in the Shinto way of thinking meaning even gods can die," I told him, "Plus didn't you say they were going to be to busy to deal with so called minor things."

He shrugs and keeps going.

We dragged out War as the dimension started to destabilize, shown by halls disappearing, the structures becoming fussy. The destabilization of  the maze let us exit the dimension. A few moments after we got out the build that let us enter the dollhouse maze collapse showing no sign of either entity.

"Well if those bombs didn't hurt either of the abominations they definitely killed a ton of Nameless. Which probably means I am now a target for the Unnamed Child's revenge."

"No you were just kind of there, she will probably come after us servants...if she didn't learn her lesson," Saint said. He then laid down War who was now calm but unconsious before saying, "Okay, my mission is now complete so I will see you later." Before turning around and waving.

"No you won't," I said putting a bullet in the back of his head before he could respond.


"Virgil!" Trish said in surprise.

"He almost killed us and if I let him leave he would most likely, probably sometime very soon be order to finally us," I told her walking over to Saint's body curb-stomping his head in.

Trish stared wide-eyed saying nothing this time.

I then took his body and put in in the pile of collapsed wood that was Trish's house and started a fire cremating Saint Walker's body.

After War woke up finally the three of us headed back to where her dad was staying. War and I then told him what happened to his wife and the house. At first he was at War killing his wife but when War told him about his wife attempting to kill Trish, and that there was no way of stopping her, Trish's father was quiet and very sad.

A few hours afterwords War left because he felt Trish wouldn't want him around being the person that killed her mother. Once we got back on the road Trish locked herself in the back bedroom of the RV and is still there not really wanting to talk to me about anything. Not even to yell at me for not showing any mercy towards Saint Walker. When does want to talk or yell or even punch me, I'm here for her.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Beginning of the Battle for the Doll Maze

When we entered the house it was different, twisted, wrong.  And it was bigger on the inside like a Tardis.  I want a Tardis.  YeahThe house became a labyrinth and had a new feel, an expecting-parents-overdecorating-the-baby-room-for-their-new-daughter kind of feeling, as War put it. The room was pink, had fluffy(creepy) stuffed animals lining the hallway, and the furniture had a toyish feel to it.

"It's like a dollhouse I used to have when I was a little girl," Trish said.

"You had a dollhouse house made by Tim Burton?" I asked Trish.

But that's not where this what-the-fuckery stopped.  There was also playground equipment within Trish's house, but like the house it was, twisted, wrong.  There were monkey bars that stuck out of walls or float in mid air and spun around like a roller coaster track but you couldn't climb it, which kinda ruined the point.

"Be careful, the Unnamed Child has guards everywhere and they are watching us, so be on your guard," Santa Wakka said.

"Thank you, Admiral Obvious, I would never guessed that a Fear has people guarding it," I said sarcastically.

"To be far you don't give the most sane impression for people," Trish said

"What does sanity have to do with dealing with Fears?" I asked her.

"Uh nothing...but it does have to do with surviving and planning," Trish said.

I busted out laughing, "If I was sane I wouldn't have survived this long, so your points are overwritten."

"You are trying to hard to be Deadpool," War said

"Who says I'm trying? This is just how I am," I replied.

"You have a weird way of coping," Saint Wannabe said.

"Coming for the guy that thinks a faceless wonder is THE ALMIGHTY GOD," I replied.

"It's not my fault you are too ignorant to see the truth, but we are not here for that, we are here for a spoiled brat that thinks she is mightier than the true god."

We then wonder around the labyrinth for what seemed like hours, maybe days. Time's weird in there! Well it was another dimension so time would in theory flow at a different pace than we are used to. Shut up. Why do you have to be so boring? If I'm boring than so are you two, because WE ARE ALL THE SAME PERSON! Touche. Then people came out of the walls and stuff animals that lined the........dimension? How do you line a dimension? Don't ask questions it just makes things more confusing to me. Yeah it's just gonna confuse everyone.

"You shall not hurt the young mistress!" a, I think they are called Nameless, said before the person attacked me. I shot his brains out! You are way too happy about that. Plus it was for self-defense not enjoyment. Thanks to the help from the Proxy army and War I barely got any action. Not really a downside. Awww! But I wanted to kick more ass.

We continued through this hell hole with people popping out of very strange places. Read into that if you must. Killing them as they appeared until we reached the door to the what was basically the center of the labyrinth. I reached for the door before a voice said "Don't even think about it unless you want the girl dead." I turned around to see a woman holding a knife to Trish's throat.

"Mom?" Trish said to the woman.

"So this is Mommy Dearest I presume?" I asked Trish

"Not the best time," Santa Pacer said.

"Sorry can't help myself when I am trying to lighten the mood," I said.

"Mom why are you doing this?" Trish said confused while also scared her mother might kill her.

"Shut up you bitch I am trying to protect my daughter," her mother said.

"First off lady that language is not need, Second that is your daughter," I told her.

"Mom please--" Trish said interrupted.

"I said shut up," to Trish cutting her off "She hasn't been my daughter since she ran away," she told me, "my real daughter would never done that to me."

"Look lady it's not like she had a choice," I told her, "This douche bag's master targeted her as a victim of his," I said pointing to Saint Man.

"Mom," said Trish through tears, "I was trying to save you.  They would  have killed you, hung your corpse on a tree, and emptied your body of organs.  Running away was for you!"

Her mom utterly ignored her, "This little whore ran away, I felt like I failed as a mother, I was suffering from depression, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, then the little girl came, and she showed me it was my daughter's fault and that I was a perfectly good mother."

"If you weren't Trish's mother I would have decapitated you before you even finished that statement," I told Trish's mother.

"Ms. <Trish's mother>, you mind's been corrupted by the Unnamed Child at time of extreme vulnerability, she preyed on you feelings of failure, and is turning you into a puppet...a plaything, but your real daughter is right in front of you and you have a dagger to her throat," War said.

"No she left, she hurt me," she said pushing the dagger closer to her throat enough to draw blood, "But my real daughter is through those door, and she would never abandon me, never hurt me, You will not--" she was interrupted as she ended up moving Trish to the side by War shooting her in the chest. I'm gonna say probably around the heart. As she fell to the ground she said "Please don't hurt my daughter," she asked us as she reached for the door before dying. Trish dropped to her knees crying over her mother's body.

"I'm sorry," War told her, "She was going to kill you."

Saint Pedestrian walked up to her and put his arm on her shoulder. Causing me to go after him, as a protective instinct. War stop me to show that he wasn't going to hurt her.

"I am sorry but she is in the garden now, free of the Unnamed Child, and is at peace," he told her.

I need to stop for today, sorry everyone. This event was rough on everybody. So I am saving the Battle of the Doll Maze's conclusion for tomorrow. Again I am sorry but you're gonna have to wait for the next post.

Friday, January 17, 2014

A Freak Meeting

Well this hiatus has been crazy as shit.  There is a lot to tell so let's get started with this story.  We(Trish, War, and myself) were driving down the road in the RV to kill the Unnamed Child at Trish's house and the blue-lantern-wannabe was standing in the middle of the road.  Aren't you a blue-lantern-wannabe?  Ah-ah-ah-uh Shut up!  Mow the asshole down!!!!!!!  Woah, woah we don't need to do that.  Unless he is trying to kill us.  Then why is he standing in the middle of the road while we are driving towards him.  Because he's suicidal now floor it!  Yeah not big on assisted suicide, so I'm braking.

"Who are you know going to help commit suicide?" asked War.

"Oh I don't know maybe that blue-lantern-wannabe out the window."

"What's Saintwalker doing out there?" asked Trish.

"Ugh, I don't know but I'll probably end up shooting him for pissing me off.  By existing."

"I'll help you with that," War said grabbing his sword.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Well we are Proxy hunters and he is a proxy, so I feel like it isn't really out of our job description," I told her.

"Trish, I've worked with these people before and it is necessary."

"Oh."

The moment I got out of the RV I pointed my guns with pointy knives at the proxy.  Gun knives they're like gunblades but smaller.

"There's no need for that," Saintwalker said.

"There is a need because you're standing in front of me and your mere existence pisses me off.  Even more than the stupid deer pisses me off."

"Noted," said Wannabe

"So what do you want Saintwalker, or were you really hoping that Virgil would run your ass over?  If that's what you want I can still have him do that for you."

"Eh, I'm kind of outside and I don't really trust a guy that preaches about Slendy's kindness to just stand there while I go back to the driver's seat."

"I'll make sure he doesn't move," War said with a grin that told me how eager he was to help me run the proxy over.

"Didn't you get your ass kicked several times by high level proxies?"  I said giving my best "really" face.

"I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Well if it wasn't for people interrupting you, you would be dead by your own hands because of your own emoness."

"I'm with Runner on this one, he wouldn't kill himself he wants someone to kill him for him. He's a death seeker."

"You need a hobby besides analyzing me."

"I already have a hobby, play video games for a living."

"You don't do it for a living," said Trish walking out of the RV.

"Well I'm alive and playing video games so... living."

"Yet you would play a friendly game of Smash Bros or Mario Kart with me," added Wannabe.





"Because I hate you."

"So like what are you here for?" asked Trish who probably knew how off topic we would get.  Yeah.

"I came to propose an alliance between us," said the Wannabe shocking everyone.

"Why would someone who is a chosen by your so called 'god' and granted special powers from your master, not sure if you have any as I haven't even seen you use teleportation or anything, want our help?"


"Because the Unnamed Child is expecting an assault and has gather nameless to try and stop up."

"Well I'm strictly a proxy hunter so not seeing the incentive here," I told him.

"So you'd rather fight us then take on the Child."

"Come on man I'm not stupid I'll let you fight her first and then when see is crying in the corner licking her wound then I'll finish her off."

"Except it's either you come with us or we will fight you now."

"Ugh, fine I'll come with you geez."

"Really?" questioned Trish.

"Well if he tries anything I'll stab him in the back, decapitate him, smash his no longer connected head in, burn his body, bury them at a cross road, mix in some garlic, and maybe I'll add some iron.  I might use a bible for good measure, and to be clear the Christian bible not your stupid Slendy bible.  Christian yes, Slendy no-no.  Also I burned the copy you left with me after your last visit."

"So welcoming," said Wannabe in a way I'm sure was not at all sarcastic, "especially after that gift I gave you for Christmas."

"Trish, I think we should go with them," said War, "if they do want to take down the Unnamed Child then we shouldn't be fighting each other.  That said if you do ANYTHING to harm us I'll make sure we do worse than what Virgil suggest."

"It's all true," insisted Wannabe, "the Unnamed Child and God aren't exactly friends right now and we're going to remind her who the True God is."

"New party member has been added," I said with the one voice in my head.

Wannabe snapped his fingers and a ninja proxy squad of six delusional people gathered around him, "Actually this isn't a party it's a raid."  Damnit that's a good line.  Why didn't we think of that?  You were more concerned with coming up with ideas on how to kill him if he betrayed us?  Oh yeah right.  Then our raid group marched on towards the Spoiled Brat's lair.


Sunday, December 22, 2013

Spectator's Christmas Present

Well we had a weird before Christmas event, War came and visited at Trish’s dad’s place of all places.  Well technically it’s Trish’s dad’s father’s friend’s house that he is looking after.  Not important, point is War is here somehow.  (You can thank me later, but applause is needed. – Spectator.)   As you can see on War’s blog here he summarized everything for us and agreed to help with our little problem.  No really, the Unnamed Child is short, she is a kid.  Though I don’t think he has a choice as Spectator would let him leave anyway. Yeah Spectator is kind of brat. You’re one to talk. Hey I’m not a brat! 
But the real party happened yesterday, aka the Winter Solstice, and I mean it when I say we had a party.  And the first guest that arrived was Stag who Trish and I notice standing outside of the house.

“Everybody out the back now!” I yelled.

“Why?” War asked as he grabbed his weapon and started to head towards the back.

“Let’s just say there is an evil Xerneas out there,” I said dragging War out the door faster.

“What’s a Xerneas?” 

“Giant super-horned deer thing.”  We need to work on randomly naming things.

“Oh, Stagnation,” War said finally grasping what I meant.

The three of us made a mad dash outside where we jumped the fence and ran through some of the neighbors’ yards to escape the Miyazaki Rip-off.  One of the neighbors’ dogs tried to chase after us but out of nowhere *poof* Stag appeared.  Me and Trish ran to the left than ran straight past him and kept going forward, War took a sharp right and ran of getting separated from us, but the dog that was chasing us just suddenly drop probably joining Stag’s doll collection. 

Me and Trish kept going until we reached the deeper sections of the city where we stopped to catch our breath.  “Running… from… Hates… pretty damn good… exercise,” I said between breathes.  Did we really need to run from that guy?  Yeah, it does seem like a waste of energy.

“Oh god run!” Trish said before taking off down the city’s streets. 

“Goddamnit more running.”  I chased after her, not willing to leave her alone while Stag is after us, but when I looked back I didn't see anything behind us.

“What did you see,” I asked once I caught up to her.

“Eyes, those fucking red eyes.”

Then came the bigger surprise, Door. I then pulled out one of my M1911’s and aimed it at him.

“What do you want Pseudo?” I said to Door.

“Pseudo or not, and the answer is not, a gun is not going to kill me.”

“Maybe it won’t kill you, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like a bitch.”

“But isn’t that your friend?” questioned Trish.

“Only in physical appearance.”

“Wow, you’re a dick,” Door deadpanned.

“Oh so this is new information.” 

Then War suddenly ran up towards me, “Oh good there you guys are.  Look we’ve got another issu- oh fuck is that Kyle?”

“Hey there Fred,” Door said waving.

“Virgil don’t tell me you plan on shooting him.”  

“Not in the head.  You’ve got to protect that pretty face.”

“Hey there pseudo.  Having fun in that separate dimension where I can’t see you like a little bitch,” said Spectator who appeared leaning on Door’s shoulder.

“Ugh, you.”

“Ah, so friendly.”

“What do you want?”

“I was here to give you a Christmas present.” 

“But it’s not Christmas yet,” I added then under my breath.

”But little Source the Solstice is OUR Christmas.”

“While do I feel like you’re BSing me since you did say you can’t tell mortal time.”

“Damnit he’s catching on to me,” gasped Spectator.

“Do you mind?” Door rudely interpreted, “I was in the middle of something.”  Behind him the space started to ripple and fire and ice formed floating in the air behind him.

“Seems like a lot of people are in the middle of something.”

“Actually I do mind.  You see that guy there,” said Spectator pointing towards me, “he is my favorite tv show and I really wouldn’t like to see you cancel him.  So back off Cartoon Network.”

“First my host would like you to know that he enjoyed your joke.  Second do you really want to take me on during the Solstice?  I will make you my little bitch.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I’m sorry I can’t take you seriously,” Spectator paused and looked around really quick.  “We’ve got company.”  At that moment Stagnation appeared on the road behind me.

“Crap I thought we outran you.”

“That’s not all,” said War pointing to something else.  It looked like three giant people standing in a triangle
with their eyes closed, holding hands, and they were all made up of other smaller people.

“What?” said Trish.

“I wonder what happens when I put bullets into that.”

“Ah, it is you.  I knew it was you,” Spectator said to the new monstrosity.

 “He isn’t here,” I overheard Door mention.

“You’re right pseudo.”

“We’re fucked,” War muttered.

“Eh, I’ve gotten out of pretty bad situations before.”  Then it got worse, which I should have seen coming. Next I saw Slendy standing there behind Door.

When Door noticed Slendy behind him he jumped and floated away from him.  “Great you of all beings.”

Spectator teleported beside Slendy and put his arm around his shoulder, “Hey buddy how are you doing?  Long time no see.”  Naturally Slendy just stared straight ahead not reacting at all.  “That’s why I like you buddy, you don’t talk and you’re a great listener.”

Then our last guest the Unnamed Child arrived. 

“Damnit, where are the Easter Bunny and Master Chief.  John 117 was supposed to invite Solid Snake to the Christmas party this year and I still haven’t been invited.”

“Oh hey what are you doing here?” Spectator asked the Unnamed Child.  “Yeah, yeah I know that her mom is your property but that’s not what this about.  So, that’s not what this is about.  So what if they are planning to get rid of you that’s later.  Hey! No need for that kind of language young lady!  ‘Kay you want a fight we’ll give you a fight.”  Then he teleport over to Door and leaning over to him said, “Hey you might want to run again.  You don’t want to die a third time and you know what they say, third time is the charm.”  Then the entities all start to get ready for a fight with Stag lowering his head pointing out his antlers, the new guy just stood there, Door started to affect the space around him and engulf himself in a shield of ice and flames, the Child just glared, and Slendy had thousands of tentacles erupting out of him.  Spectator looked at the three of us standing there in awe, “Sorry kids, but this show is for adults only.” 

With that there was a snap and War, Trish, and myself all we all woke up on the couch in the living room. 

“Well that was a thing,” I said.

   

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The 12 Fears of Chirstmas

On the 1st day of Christmas the Smiling Man gave to me 1 crimson Cypress.

On the 2nd day of Christmas the Dying Man gave to me two sibling shards and a crimson Cypress.

On the 3rd day of Christmas the Choir gave to me 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 4th day of Christmas the Black dog gave to me 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 5th day of Christmas the Archangel gave to me 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 6th day of Christmas the Intrusion gave to me 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 7th day of Christmas the Plague Doctor gave to me 7 vials of doomsday juice, 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 8th day of Christmas the Intrusion gave to me 8 nests a crawling, 7 vials of doomsday juice, 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 9th day of Christmas the Wooden Girl gave to me 9 puppets dancing, 8 nests a crawling, 7 vials of doomsday juice, 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 10th day of Christmas the Grotesque gave to me 10 waking nightmares, 9 puppets dancing, 8 nests a crawling, 7 vials of doomsday juice, 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the 11th day of Christmas EAT 11 ichors a spreading, 10 walking nightmares, 9 puppets dancing, 8 nests a crawling, 7 vials of doomsday juice, 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On 12th day of Christmas the Slender Man gave to me 12 proxies hunting, 11 ichors a spreading, 10 walking nightmares, 9 puppets dancing, 8 nests a crawling, 7 vials of doomsday juice, 6 nests a crawling, 5 possessed corpses, 4 severed limbs, 3 banshees a screaming, two sibling shards, and a crimson Cypress.

On the last day of Christmas the Quiet gave to me... nothing, absolutely nothing.

------

I can hear all of you at your computers thinking, "Did Source really just waste time with that?"  Yes, yes I did.  No we didn't!  That was not a waste guys.  Actually, I must agree with that prediction, it was a bit waste.  I don't know I thought it was fun.  Agreed.  Oh, oh I can't wait to hear our new song on the radio!  That may be going to far.

I didn't get on just to post my Christmas parody, but I've got some actual news too.  Last Saturday Trish asked me for a favor that I was really against.  For good reason.  Trish told me that we weren't that far from where she lives, about 3 hours, and she was hoping she could see her family and let them know she was okay.  I told her no at first but after a while she wore me down and I agreed to drive down there and we just arrived two hours ago.  I just know her house is going to be surrounded by proxies.  EXACTLY I'LL BE SO MUCH FUN.  I feel like my Christmas will be like Iron Man 3's.  Oh I wonder if I can get an Iron Man suit.  I want a Mark XXXIX armor.  Naturally we told Trish to be careful while we're here and not to leave the RV without us, because there are probably proxies looking for her.  I hope this turns out well for her.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Update Time!

Don't worry we're all alive! No that anyone seems to care about us three. Trish has been having bad dreams though. She won't tell me what about but I've noticed her falling asleep at strange intervals. Course I don't sleep like normal people anyway even before I went crazy. I blame the games we play. There is no conclusive proof of that. There kind of is actually. Shut it! You will never take video games away from me. Of coarse not we play them too. Plus the new Zelda is out I love that game series. Bottom line we are okay pretty much. Trish or I will let you know if anything comes up.

She was attacked when she earlier this week when she was sleeping I was up for some reason or another. I don't remember why I can't sleep anymore. Could have been the energy drinks. You know those don't effect us. Oh wait I remember it's cause I have been playing the Oracle games in the Zelda series. The idiot though we were both asleep, so I put a bullet in his head and splattered his grey-matter back of the RV. Sorry Kyle. Which woke her up and cause her to freak out for the next hour at me. Can you really blame her? We do seem like psychopaths, don't we? Hey I've told everyone I'm crazy. But it's a in control kind of crazy. While she yelled at me I cleaned up and moved the body outside where I burned it into ash. Now I need some sleep after driving for two or three days. Probably more. Source and his other selves signing off for now.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Book of Slender 1:1 - 41

Hello there readers of Kyle and Source's blog.  It's Saintwalker as I'm sure you've guessed by the title.  I thought it was about time I posted something so I had someone crack Virgil's password in traditional proxy fashion, so I could introduce you to a project of mine.  I am making an effort to create a bible worthy of our God to help new members and interested persons understand our organization.  It is tiring work to tell the story of God, his saints, and the rest of us but I find it to be very rewarding myself.  Here is the account of the Creation, best as I can understand it, because might as well start at the beginning.

In the beginning there was only him, our God,  1
Alone he dwelled in the emptiness,
Until God decided to fill the universe,
With beauty and life.
He experimented with the layout of the universe,    5
Until finally God was satisfied with its beauty.
Now there was just one thing left to do,
The most important thing,
To create life to occupy this new universe.
God knew the difficulty of the task though,    10
For the perfect universe God,
Would need the perfect life form,
So our God chose one small,
Insignificant rock to be his Eden.
Here he would produce his masterpieces.   15
God started small with the creatures he made,
But gradually grew them, split them,
Evolved them until the creatures reached,
Their peak.
But God was not satisfied with the    20
Creatures that he had produced;
They were giants that towered over,
The mountains themselves,
 Made for air, land, and sea
And among the best, natural, hunters    25
The world was destined to see. 
Yet they did not possess the spark,
That God had hoped they would.
These monsters were fast, strong,
Clever, and above all entertaining,   30
But God did not want a universe filled,
With chaotic slaughter and bloodshed.
So God restarted his Eden leaving only
A fraction of what was left prior.
This time God did not make his creations    35
As large or as strong.
Forcing them to rely on intellect and cunning,
To survive.
And from this thought process God,
birthed his most favored life form,    40
Humans.

So there you go.  Feel free to critique and make suggestion as I don't really have an editor so I'll just use peer review.  Next timeIdontevenwatchthat I'll give the origins of the multiverse and the Fears.  Have a good Halloween everyone.